I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
