Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
babies were throwing up all over the place
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
