Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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