see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
