So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
