Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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