Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
