last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Alive.
So much puke
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize