He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
