I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
