He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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