his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
