All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
