they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
