he puts the penis in happiness.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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