Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
