i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
