Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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