I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
