i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize
