She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
