what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
