Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
