girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
