What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
