Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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