you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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