1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
