so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
