so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
