so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
