why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize