I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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