did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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