i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize