I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i think im in europe. pls send help
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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