i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
