I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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