we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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