Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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