so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
