hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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