I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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