come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sarcasm needs its own font
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
