She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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