I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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