I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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