I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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