what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize