I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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