i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
