My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
