I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
