I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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