Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
