It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
