dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
