what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize