i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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