I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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