Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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