currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
