Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
