Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
