dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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