then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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