mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
