i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My feet surprised me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
