Can i not drive my cunt home
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
