the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
