Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
