I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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