Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
