im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
