Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Please don't give away my fajitas
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
