I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i believe in u and ur pee
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