Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
