I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize