my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
