I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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