I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
