I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
