Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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