I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thank you for not boning my boss.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
