like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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