I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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