Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize