So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
