You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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