soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
