You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
