she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize