i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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