I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want her autograph on my taint
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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