sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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