It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
