the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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