I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
