shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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