I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My pussy is not your playground.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I just sharted jello shots
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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