yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Naked. naked and bneed help.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
