Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
