I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
