I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
